Why do we fall for the same type of person over and over again? After my very first heartbreak, I dated the same person for about 4 years. Not the same exact person, but different versions of my first love. They may have looked different, had a different job, and held different hobbies, but underneath the surface, they were all the same — emotionally insecure men who found themselves unsure of being in my presence. My pattern with them would usually go like this:. In retrospect, I see that I was attracting a man just like me—emotionally insecure and unsure of my presence. We fall for the same person over and over because in most ways, intimate relationships are mirrors to our deepest wounds. Our healing is there.
The Solve: Why Do I Keep Dating The Same Type?
You do not attract what you want. You attract what you are. It can be frustrating to say the least because at the beginning it may seem like this guy is totally and completely different than the last but as time goes on the same characteristics, and possibly the same annoyances, start to pop up. I can relate. This was happening with me until one day I had enough and decided to get off that seemingly endless wheel of disappointment. I took a sabbatical from dating to figure out why I was attracting and was attracted to such similar men, and how to attract someone I could really build my life with.
So many of us seem to repeat the same relationship stories over and over again throughout our lives. Maybe you keep dating the same type of person. Maybe you keep finding friendships that make you feel uncomfortable, taken advantage of, not listened to, or that bring out the worst in you, instead of the best. But the garbage is of the emotional kind. Out of you.
And so it shows up again and again, stinking up your world. And so it keeps happening, over and over again….
8 Reasons Why You Always Date the Same Type
It is slightly disheartening to watch your girlfriends jump into committed relationships with the same type of guys, only to expect a different outcome each time. Reflecting on past relationships reveals a great deal about you. One need only reflect on past relationships to gain perspective on the flaws you brought to the table, or how you contributed to the eventual break-up.
Analyzing certain characteristics- good and bad- that always appeal to you, is also beneficial in trying to pin point the type of relationship you desire. If the characteristics you always go for are leading to heartbreak after heartbreak, it is probably time to stop dating the same type of guy. In some way or another most of us have a certain type of man or woman we would prefer to date.
Why Do We Date Different Versions of the Same Person? It’s common to have a “type” regarding preference in romantic partner, but, like why.
He was sweet and upbeat, talkative and seemingly driven. I nodded along to his stories as I took bites of my pasta, methodically peppering him with questions while revealing very little about myself. In the end, I hugged him goodbye and thanked him for dinner. When he texted me the following day, I told him that, although he was lovely, it was probably best we went our separate ways. That would be my last date before a self-imposed dating sabbatical. I had been like that for months, emotionally battered after my last relationship and closed off to connection.
Looking back one year later, my brain has blotted out much of the months I spent with my ex.
For years I kept dating the same type of man, until I had a revelation
I’m pretty sure that, at this point, it’s pretty safe to say we’ve all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same things while expecting a different result. But I can’t help but wonder how many of us apply this to our dating situations. Take this one woman I know. Around every six months or so, she hits me up on email to tell me that she’s met the perfect guy for her.
I’ve been receiving these kinds of messages for at least a decade now, so the dialogue is usually the same. Me : “You already know what I’m gonna ask you right?
for the faint of heart. attracting same men dating When you attract the same type of people into your life, you do so because they’re familiar.
Perhaps you fall for the bad guy type, the intellectual, the comic, the free spirited, or the hot girl. You may even have a physical type, such as, light eyes, dark eyes, red hair, brunette, tanned skin, dark skin, light skinned, or a preference with regards to body type and shaping. After years of dating and relationship experience you probably have some idea what you are looking for in a particular partner, however, why do you have a type? Why do you seem drawn to this particular type of person or people?
Choosing the same type of person does not occur simply by chance, often, we seek out our partners unconsciously, without being aware we are even doing so. Interestingly, there are actually several scientific and psychological components that can contribute to you gravitating towards a particular type of person. We often gravitate toward the familiar, fearing what we do not have prior experience with; however, this can lead to continued failed attempts to establish a stable healthy relationship.
How to break the habit of being with the SAME type of man and meet Mr Right
If you keep winding up on dates with the same type of guy, over and over again, this post is for you. There are things we should know about our own character and personality that make us susceptible to attracting and staying with unbalanced partners. If the type of guy you attract tends to be the one that always leaves you heartbroken, it is important to pay attention to what’s causing you to be attracted to this person in the first place.
32 votes, 53 comments. No matter where I go to (dating apps, the real world etc..) I always seem to attract the same type of guy; the ‘you’re my .
If your relationship ends, and you have an eye out for new people to date, don’t be surprised if you end up falling for someone just like your ex. According to recent research, which looked at data from a nine year study in Germany, this tends to be exactly what happens. The study examined the personality traits of an individual’s ex and their current partner, and found a significant degree of similarities.
This may explain why you have a “type” when it comes to dating , and possibly even why you keep having the same type of relationship. While many factors are involved, one way to explain it is your attachment style , or how you act in relationships, which is determined by your experience within your family while growing up.
Anxious people tend to be more of the ‘clingy’ type. Avoidant people tend to avoid emotional closeness and vulnerability.
10 Types of Women Men Date Before They Meet the One
Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person’s life.
Copyright Singapore Press Holdings Ltd. Regn No E. All rights reserved. What you need to do, is figure out what exactly is a bad man. Then, you have to actively avoid them. Keep out the bad and let the good in. Chances are, there are going to be various attributes or physical elements that your past beaus have in common.
Multiple traits, if you can. So, look at what attracted you at the start. Was he aloof? Was he really full on, showering you with attention? Take a good long hard look at what got you sucked in we mean attracted to with these bad men. Or if you want to create a proper mood board for this, full steam ahead!
What Falling For The Same Type Of Person Taught Me — And How I Broke Free
There is a saying that whatever it is that first attracts you at the beginning of a relationship is likely the same thing that will make you eventually end it. I recently explained this theory to a girlfriend who was going through a break-up. After dating commitment-phobes or emotionally unavailable men most of her life, she had finally met someone who knew what he wanted — and that was her. The conundrum of attraction turning to distraction is something many of us know only too well.
Dating and relationships can be a little tricky for many of us, specifically, for those that have a “type”. Perhaps you fall for the bad guy type, the.
Are you tired of dating dudes who turn out to be total players? We all deserve to be happy and fulfilled in our personal relationships. Feel like you are perpetually suffering from a case of dating deja-vu? This post is for you. Stop beating yourself up. Why do I keep dating losers?! You have the power to walk away, learn from your mistakes, and make a different dating choice in the future.
Use it. It sounds corny, but the period that follows a break-up is the perfect time to do some soul searching. Play love detective.